I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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