My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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