Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
