so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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