If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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