No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
