Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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