Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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