And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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