i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
