I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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