Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
