Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she was so not down for the gang bang
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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