At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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