I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
