he puts the penis in happiness.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
