Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
