I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We have so much sex to catch up on
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
