so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
