He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
