I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
