So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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