No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
