so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
