Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
