Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
