I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
