I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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