she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
