True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
