I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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