Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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