Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
