from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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