I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
