Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
