if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
