What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
