What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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