i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
