And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
