my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I intend to get homeless drunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love you.
Bad choice
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