I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
