I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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