Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
