am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
