She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
