Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
