so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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