Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just had sex on a roof
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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