Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
