you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish you could order shots online.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
