I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
