you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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