sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's always time for handjobs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
