so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
